Why did you get into Derby?
Like a lot of ladies from my generation of skaters, I was really into the Rollergirls show on cable. My friend joined AARG the year they started in St. Louis, and I was so excited and envious! I’d go to her games, and dream about Columbia getting a league. I was so determined to be a derby skater that I even came up with a name and bought socks for my theme when I was overseas that year! My boyfriend found the posting for the first CoMo practices, and suddenly I was too scared to try. I’ve never been athletic, and I’ve certainly never played a team sport. We watched a practice and he encouraged me, so I bought pads and fell down in my living room, and thought, “okay, I can do this!”

Who do you think has had the most influence on your style of play?
Everyone on my team has. I’ve learned so many great things from my fellow skaters. They’ve forced me to re-think derby over and over again. I’m constantly learning!

What skates and wheels do you use?
I’ve been on the same tired-ass Riedell 265 boots for six years. I have Revenge plates, Luigino bearings, and 97a Jukes.

What was your favorite moment as a CoMo derby dame?
How could I pick one? Going to Brewhaha for the first time. We played hard, and put CoMo on the map!

What is your pre-bout ritual?
Desperately searching for my jersey and boutfit (to wash), and then getting sushi or Vietnamese Pho.

What advice do you have for other skaters?
I always tell the new skaters that if you have the true desire to become a derby skater, you’ll make it, no matter how impossible it feels. If this 30+ year old asthmatic can do it, so can you!

If you could remove one penalty from the game what would it be?
Elbows. I never chicken-wing on purpose, but sometimes they sneak up.

Who would play you in a movie about your life?
Amy Sedaris. I love her. And we make the same facial expressions.

Derby DOB:
January 2007

Drink of choice?
Vodka, club soda, lime.

Bad habits?
Oh lord. Where do we start?

Awards?
I’ve been honored enough to be voted Best Overall Veteran Skater for the last three years by my teammates. I’ve also gotten awards for booty blocking, assists, strategery, and boutfits!

Signature move on the track?
Passive blocking. Not very exciting, I guess, but it does the trick.

Why did you get into Derby?
Like many others, I watched roller girls on A&E religiously. I had somewhat recently become physically active and realized that I actually could perform athletically (something that as a chubby kid I never thought was possible). When watching that show, I thought, “I think I can do this.” It wasn’t too long after that a close friend told me a girl she knew was involved with starting roller derby here in CoMo. I watched 15 minutes of practice and knew I could do it. I started practice the next week.

Who do you think has had the most influence on your style of play?
My jammers influence my play. I will do whatever it takes to get them through the pack. Also, the refs. They cramp my style.

What skates and wheels do you use?
I am not an equipment snob. For the first 3 years of my derby career I bought a new pair of Boxers each year. Boxers are inexpensive and I would blow out the side where the boot connects to the sole. Now I skate on Reidell she devil boots with standard plate and bushings. I prefer Radar standard 97 wheels, but I destroyed 3 of those last season when skating on a particularly dirty skate surface. I use china red bearings. Nothing fancy.

What was your favorite moment as a CoMo derby dame?
There have been a lot of great moments. The best team moment was assisting Adderoller in a nearly 50 point jam at Brewhaha two years ago. Personally it was racking up a lot of laps in skills test. 35 in 5 minutes is my next goal.

What is your pre-bout ritual?
The day of a bout I visualize the first jam and the strategy put forth by our coach. Before skating I block the wall a little to get all the wiggles out.

What advice do you have for other skaters?
We can teach anyone to skate, but what we can’t teach is the desire to skate competitively. You have to want it to succeed. Also, never stop moving your feet.

If you could remove one penalty from the game what would it be?
Forearms. I would get rid of the forearms penalty if the elbow penalty is going to be so encompassing.

Derby DOB:
April 2007

Drink of choice?
Vodka collins or diet dr pepper with cherry syrup—yum, chemicals.

Bad habits?
I eat way too much cheese in one sitting and I tend to be a bit blunt when my opinion is asked. I guess that’s one reason I’m DB.

Awards?
The derby award I’m most proud of is the “Don’t Be Wrong” award. I have also received best make up, don’t take no bull, and most vocal. I’m very appreciative of the MVP awards I get, but in truth I only look good when my team performs well.

Why did you get into Derby?
I was looking for a competitive sport to play and I like being part of a team.

Who do you think has had the most influence on your style of play?
Maimy Fisher, Jenn-O Slide and Momma Knee Ya have all been great derby mentors.

What skates and wheels do you use?
Ridell 265′s and Fugitives

What was your favorite momentas a CoMo derby dame?
When Nasty Sinatra scored a (triple?) grand slam in the last quarter of the September Phlegmmes vs. Vixens Home team bout!

What is your pre-bout ritual?
Round up volunteers for the recruitment table, check over my gear, pick out my boutfit and bathe myself in spray on glitter.

What advice do you have for other skaters?
Just Hit A Bitch!

If you could remove one penalty from the game what would it be?
Maybe counterclockwise blocking in some situations…

Who would play you in a movie about your life?
Kristin Bell

Derby DOB:
September 2011

Drink of choice?
A really good quality beer.

Bad habits?
Knitting while intoxicated.

Awards?
“Spreading the Derby Word”